How to teach my child to share?
[mme_highlight] The concept of equal sharing develops early in childhood, although there is a known gap between this and its reflection on children’s actions. Recent data from studies suggested that although 3-year-old children know the norm of fair sharing, they seem to attach to this norm increasingly with age when sharing involves a cost to the self.[mme_highlight]
Young children use to be convict defenders of fairness and sharing concepts, but many times act otherwise when given a chance to share, which is a curious and interesting discrepancy to analyze, although few scientific studies have focused on this. Parents, caretakers and educators face challenges in the way to teach children to share and have trouble predicting the effective result of their efforts.
At what age do children understand the value of sharing?
Recent results from research have demonstrated the understanding of fairness and sharing starts at young age. It appears that 2-year-ols expect equal outcomes when two people receive resources from a third person; in addition, children at this age expect unequal outcomes after an equal effort. At the age of 3, children can apply concepts of equality in the adequate situations.
Nevertheless, despite this early understanding of equality and sharing values, children often show a self-interested behavior when they see a possible benefit, thus creating a gap between their fairness conception and their actual behavior. In fact, preschool children rarely are seen sharing with peers.
Possible explanations for this gap between concept and action are: children may believe that the rules of fairness only applies to others; young children, even if thinking that fairness applies to everyone, may disbelieve that others will follow these norms; finally, even if feeling obliged to follow fairness in sharing, may fail at this because of conflict caused by their own desires.
Sharing – is there a gap between the concept and the action among young children?
Addressing this interesting topic, Smith CE et al. conducted recently a study in which 3 to 8-year-old children were assigned to one of two groups and given 4 smiley-face stickers.
In the Self-Share/Other-Norm group children could actually share the stickers with another child (Self-Share), and were also asked how much another child should have shared in the same situation (Other-Norm).
In the Self-Norm/Other-Share, children were asked how much they should share (Self-Norm), and to predict how much the other child had shared (Other-Share).
The desirable number of stickers for kids to share was, obviously, half of what they got, thus 2 tickers. Did they? As the boxes below show, a switch in sharing practice was noticeable with age. For the self-share task, children aged 3 to 6 years shared significantly less than half of the stickers. By contrast, 7 to 8-year-olds got very close to the half. The same tendency occurred for the Self-Norm task, in which children of all ages judged that they themselves should share about half the stickers.
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Average number of stickers shared by children in the Self Share Task
- 3- 4 year-olds: average = 0.50 stickers (p>0.001 – statistically significant)
- 5–6-year-olds: average = 1.15 stickers (p<0.001– statistically significant).
- 7-8 year-olds: average =1.71 (p= 0.16).
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Concerning the Other-Norm task, children of all ages judged that the other child should give them about half or more of the stickers. The same tendency occurred for the Self-Norm task, in which children of all ages judged that they themselves should share about half the stickers.
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Average number of stickers children predicted the other would share in the Other-Norm Task
- 3- 4 year-olds: average = 2.40 stickers (p>0.35)
- 5–6-year-olds: average = 2.35 stickers (p>0.35)
- 7-8 year-olds: average =1.90 (p>0.35)
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Average number of stickers children thought themselves should share in the Self-Norm Task
- 3- 4 year-olds: average = 1.76 stickers (p>0.33)
- 5–6-year-olds: average = 2.00 stickers (p>0.33)
- 7-8 year-olds: average =2.00(p>0.33)
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Reporting to the Other-Share task, children of all ages believed that the other child either shared significantly more than or something very close to an equal sharing of stickers.
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Average number of stickers children believed the other shared in the Other-Share Task
- 3- 4 year-olds: average = 2.82 stickers (p<0.01 – statistically significant)
- 5–6-year-olds: average = 2.20 stickers (p>0.08)
- 7-8 year-olds: average =2.25(p>0.08)
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How do children conceptualize ownership?
There is an intrinsic connection between the concepts of sharing and ownership. It is thought that both children and adults attribute ownership of an object to the first person they see possessing it in the first place. Eisenberg-Berg and et al. recognized this feature when they presented 2 to 5-year-old children with a new toy and studied how they interacted with the toy with the presence of other children. Children who were told that the toy belonged only to them defended their possession in a more aggressive way than children who heard that the toy belonged to the entire class.
Summary and Recommendations
- The concept of equal sharing develops early in childhood, although there is a known gap between this and its reflection on children’s actions.
- Recent data from studies suggested that although 3-year-old children know the norm of fair sharing, they seem to attach to this norm increasingly with age when sharing involves a cost to the self.
- Give yourself the example of sharing.
- A good attachment with parents enhances the general well-being of a child. A loved child will be more prone to share with others.
- Read stories from picture books and see films in which sharing is the main morality. Children learn a lot by examples.
- Play “sharing games” with your children, with real life situations: use flowers, chocolates and so on.
- Interphere only if needed: many times, parents see discussions about sharing between children and tend to interphere; try to give children space to solve these issues. Use sentences like: “I know Martha will give you the doll when she has finished playing with it”.
- Be comprehensive to your child: sometimes, it may not be a question of lacking generosity. For instance, if a child has done some construction and is trying to keep other children away from it to prevent it from being destroyed.
- Plan along with other parents: if your child has difficulty in sharing his/her toys and his/her friend is coming over, ask the other child’s parents to bring toys too; children love to play with different toys and will understand that in order to have access to these toys they have to share theirs too.
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References
- Smith CE, Blake PR, Harris PL. I should but I won’t: whyyoung children endorse norms of fair sharing but do not follow them. PLoS One. 2013;8(3):e59510.
- Eisenberg-Berg N, Hand M (1979) The relationship of preschoolers’ reasoning about prosocial moral conflicts to prosocial behavior. Child Dev 50: 356–363.
- GelmanSA, Manczak EM, Noles NS. The nonobvious basis of ownership: preschool children trace the history and value of owned objects. Child Dev. 2012 Sep-Oct;83(5):1732-47.
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